FROM GOOD TO GREAT

Pondering… life as I know it… questioning my past… deciphering if I am ultimately the master of my destiny…  how often we get caught up in living that we never stop to reflect, to plan, to wonder ….

28 years on this earth… at least 8 in which I have been grown enough to understand that there is no “getting away with shit”, every action has an equally fucked up reaction and sometimes shit really does happen for no reason….

Subterranean meditative reflection… questioning life has a way of doing things to people, at least to me… we can sugar coat shit and say I have “stopped to smell the fresh air”… that is definitely not what this analysis is… maybe if my life was covered in green grass with pretty little dandelions floating in the breeze I could take in the aroma of that mysterious salubrious mixture of oxygen and nitrogen … we can sugar coat shit…it will still be shit… My life has been fulla shit and full of people that are fulla more shit…

See, I never knew normal, can’t fathom mediocrity and refuse to be reduced to a lackluster reality… Rebel without a cause… daredevil with no helmet or insurance… a raw dick in a foreign pussy…. No, my life has not been one that anyone would write chicken noodle soul soup stories about… Live fast die young, work hard play harder, go hard or go home… all that shit… but I kind of like my life… I don’t wanna die young…. So here I am… veering off the rode of insubordination and parking the motorcycle of unruliness, temporarily of course, as I mull over my existence…

I must stop because I have been recklessly exploring this path… traveling at the speed of light to a destiny that my mind has not fully formulated… I have lost my sense of direction… feel as if I am going in circles…. Starting to see the same warning signs that I passed up years ago… Making the same mistakes twice and still not “learning my lesson”…. Committing more crimes with less remorse…. Kissing more and telling all… Meeting more people in lower places and loving harder with less inhibition… I can’t slow down… it is not in my nature to slow down… So I must stop… think… deliberate… plan…

Looking at your life has a way of doing things to people, at least to me… I am now able to see ME for who I am…taking off the rose colored glasses… I was created for greatness… every pore in my body emits prominence… why the fuck am I not yet great… 28 years… at least 8 in which I have been grown enough to understand that if I don’t do anything worth shit I ain’t gone be shit… forever…. I have cheated myself… sabotaged my chances at world domination…

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed a large part of this journey… partying and bullshit… fleeting relationships with bad niggas with big dicks… plants that smell of bliss, taste of paradise and smoke like a dream…. The envy from insecure unimportant bitches…. Yep, this journey has been pleasurable for the most part… Yet, all good things must come to an end…. Good is good… I’m aiming for great….. 

06/18/11 @ 4:01 pm I have decided to discover and conquer this thing called greatness… I will laugh harder at the corniest of shit… I will kiss my kids for no reason and let them know that mommy loves them… I will cry when I feel like it and not making any excuses for these wonderful emotions that help articulate my soul… I will passionately masturbate at even the slightest yearn from my yoni… I will be biggest asshole with an even bigger heart… I will flaunt my beautiful body as if I am a centerfold in Hef’s “art”…I will love as if he is my last, again and again until I finally reach my last… I will inscribe my mark into this world… I was fashioned for greatness… I will be GREAT!

~ Viola Monroe