Heartbreak Hotel

You… something special about you from the moment of our initial encounter… your smile brighter than most, words so clever and witty, a body that I imagined licking, washing, fucking…. you were an amazing creature at first sight… a force to be reckoned with….
I let you in… I had to…. I could not imagine life without you in it, even if for a moment, but praying for forever…. My mind knew this was a bad idea… but that bitch heart of mine gets what she wants… she wanted you… I needed you… I got you.
You made me love you… the way you spoke my name, as if your lips were created to utter none other than the appellation my mother bestowed on me at birth… your kisses, that covered my lips, my pussy, my forehead, those kisses sweeter than pure cane sugar … the way you entered into my treasured juicy vulva with such force, dominating what was yours and giving the most pleasurable pain… as you spoke my name in that way that makes my pussy pour and conquered my lips with those kisses… those damn kisses… You made me love you.
I surrendered… you had it all… my all…. There was never a "too much" clause in my love when it came to you… no limits were set, fuck boundaries and restrictions … I never wanted to stop loving you…. My love growing with every second that passed, every breath taken, every palpitation of my heart… white flag raised I ran into the flames, all warning signs ignored as I did 100 to your heart
I gave you my all…. You wanted more… maybe you wanted different… fuck!, what did you want?!!! You compromised my soul, my happiness, my trust, my love for????…..see that's the part that fucks me up most…the unanswered questions, the wondering, the excruciating pondering….
I am unable to concentrate… words read are nothing more than scribblings with no rhyme or reason in my current state…
My eyes more red than the flames emitted from the inferno of the devil…. I have cried as if I have come face to face with Lucifer himself…
I can speak; yet, the sounds that my mouth creates can hardly be described as speaking, but as cries of agony that I am unable to formulate into an articulate thought… like nails against a chalkboard…
My confidence, my aura of extreme self-worth diminished in a wave of sadness as I walk with my head low and my heart heavy… each pained step leading me deeper into the personal hades my mind has fashioned…
I am alive… technically, my veins still pump the blood that my pathetic heart needs to survive, my pulse is still seen through my wrists, my breathing remains, unsteady and raspy, yet breathing none the less… I am alive, physically…
This state has reduced me to nothing more than a functional body… my heart has shut down, ran way and taken my mind along for the ride…
I set myself up for this… my heart has abandoned me with no remorse as I am she who is liable for this torture… I allowed you to do this to me… I gave you my all… you took my everything… you fucking bastard….
I am sure to love again…. My heart is stubborn and she wants what she wants… I am sure to make the same mistake twice, three times, maybe four… in the future my soul will once again be offered to the unknown… someday this pain will be nothing more than a miserable dream that runs across my memory at the speed of light….until then I am gone… *lights spliff*….checked into this raggedy fucking hell hole… heartbreak hotel….

 
~Viola Monroe